Dear Michael,

I was so saddened to hear of your mother's death.

I first met her in early December of 1990. My brother was dying of AIDS in Mt. Zion Hospital in San Francisco, and your mom was visiting one of her "boys" in the next room. Although she didn't know him, she stopped in to see Bobby. Bobby had been a playwright, and I gather they had a very pleasurable talk about theater. I live in Los Angeles but was in San Francisco to spend Bobby's last days with him, and thereafter, your mom and I began a correspondence that lasted for many years. When I returned to San Francisco five months later to see one of Bobby's plays staged, she and your dad hosted me and a couple of my friends for cocktails at their lovely apartment before the show.

Your mom's correspondence was overflowing with her wonderful activities on behalf of people with AIDS, as well as talk of visiting you and Valerie and her grandchildren abroad. She loved you all so dearly and yet somehow had love left over to give to so very, very many people who needed her. I hope you will find solace in the many expressions of gratitude I'm sure you will receive. There are hundreds more who are no longer capable of expressing their gratitude, my brother included. For us she was an unforgettable role model of compassion and giving. I have made a donation in her honor to The Orphan Children.

With love and condolences,

Joan

I am so grateful that Annemarie left us just as she had hoped to. But my heart is so heavy because I will miss her so.

What irony that she quoted Gore Vidal to summarize her farewell thought: "Anybody who is stupid enough to want to be remembered deserves to be forgotten right now."

As all of us touched by her knows, we will always remember Annemarie... and, thanks to her loving activism on behalf of people with AIDS, she will never be forgotten.

Annemarie and Lou will be remembered for their generousity and hospitality, such as support for our mutual friend Dr. Pushpa Bhatt's HIV clinic efforts in Nepal, as well as long-running advice to all on how to appreciate San Francisco living. A visit to their lovely home was always a highlight - once, with great surprise at seeing 90th birthday balloons for bon vivant Lou.

Annemarie was a wonderful friend. Her absence is mark-ed.

Annemarie and I met at a UCSF HIV Research Update in the early 90’s. Initially it was probably HIV activism and our shared love of the German language got our friendship going. Rather soon my new friend Annemarie, felt like an old friend. After reaching middle age I haven’t experienced that all that often.

In the interim there were lots of good times (some sad, some joyful), sometimes the two of us, sometimes with a group of friends and sometimes with the remarkable Lou Madison. The Madisons were a kick. I miss them both.

I’m proud to think that over time Annemarie probably thought of me as one of her “boys.” Being fortunate enough to have come through the storm, she leaves me with the important lesson that what many think of as “retirement” years is not at tall a time to retire.

"A beautiful young person is an accident of nature, but a beautiful old person is a work of art"

- Eleanor Roosevelt

Non one embodied this lovely observation better than Annemarie. An extraordinary life, an extraordinary human being. Where does one begin ? Imperially slim, elegant, poised, charming and keenly intelligent, from my first meeting her many years ago through a mutual German friend vistiing SF, I was simply bowled over, overwhelmingly impressed, deliciously mesmerised, and my love, admiration, respect and sense of awe only grew over time, as we got to know each other and became close friends. Her passionately held convictions and life philosophy, her resolute nature and uncompromising standards, her indefatigable energy, her sense of mission for what was right, and grace under fire, her sense of duty and purpose ... the never-ending intellectual curiosity and linguistic prowess, the love of travel, her non-judgemental mindset, her compassion and loving, selfless care-giving, her fearless pioneering spirit and damn-the-torpedoes steeliness ... impossible to imagine a more examined, focused, active life, and intrepid pursuit of all it brought. What other octogenarian, when asked what is a good time to connect for coffee or do shopping, says, 'let me check my agenda calendar' - and so genuinely MEANS it, having a schedule chock-a-block full of committments and obligations ... fascinating trips, speaking engagements, charity functions, receptions for diplomats, lectures by world class medical researchers, German language socials, visits from far-flung family, friends and colleagues girdling the globe ... the list goes on. Her activity level topped that of many half her age, and she never ceased being active and involved in so many things, on so many levels. Her mind was a vast repository of twentieth century European history lore and detail, which she lived through, providing endless hours of delightful conversation, reminiscience and anecdote, which as an incurable history buff, had me in Nirvana ... and I so cherished our talks on everything under the sun ... we had been scheduled to have coffee to discuss The White Ribbon, the last film she saw, which I had seen with German-speaking friends, and delve into its deeper meaning, message and symbolism ... such was the nature of so many deeply satisfying exchanges with her, whether on film, history, medicine, hiv-aids and the plethora of topics surrounding it, philosophy, child-rearing, educational theory, religion, politics and economy, currencies, language and languages, art, architecture, fashion, you name it ... down to more pedestrian chitchat ... the deplorable level of customer service everywhere, the latest tribulations of the no. 24 bus line, a new restaurant recommendation ... we also were constantly sharing books on myriad topics, which we then later picked apart and shared our observations ... she was nothing if not prolific.

MY deepest heartfelt condolences to Michael, Valerie, Oliver and Freddie, and to all who loved her. She died with her boots on, and went as she would have wanted to, no lingering, no fuss, no pain, devoted all the way to the end to her work, causes and loved ones, and for this we must all be thankful and appreciative, through our tears. I am filled with a huge sense of sadness, loss and emptiness at her passing, but
also with a boundless sense of gratitude and pride for the wonderful gift, and privilege, of having had this superlative woman in my life as a dear friend. We as individuals, and as members of larger society, are all immeasurably richer for having known her.

Mike -

Thank you for sharing the photos - they are lovely - and so fitting - you can see the gaze, intently that Annamarie gave everyone while in conversation with them - it conveyed the caring, and sharing of thought that was taking place - you felt it each time you spoke to her.

I am so proud of my aunt - her compassion as a person - citizen of the world - humble beyond belief - intensely loving and protective of those she cared about -

We all know the adjustment she made after Lou passed away, to living life as 1/2 of a pair - which they were - but she faced it bravely, and I know that having Mike, Valerie and the boys so close by was such a comfort to her.

I will miss my email "conversations" with her, and just knowing that she is there.

We were all so blessed to have her in our lives!

Dear Michael:
The tribute gathering for Annemarie was very very touching and she would have loved it. (She was so there in spirit and probably saw and heard everything - probably even knew when a single hair on anyone's head moved, or a tear was shed).
As you know, my first memories of Annemarie and Lou (and you) were from visiting with my parents at your home in Nuess (sp?) in 1965! Your parents were dear friends of our family for 40 years. Most recently when I lost my partner of 15 years in 2009, I had the immense pleasure of reuniting with Annemarie with Sherry and Dina at her apartment last year. Annemarie and I were communicating by email and she was such a wonderful support for me while I was going through grief. I was planning to see her this Spring and was so looking forward to it. But I feel so blessed that I got to see her last year and had such a delightful afternoon with her. She holds a deep spot in my heart which will always be there. God Bless.
Doug

It was around Thanksgiving when I last visited with Annemarie. As always, she offered fine black tea and delicious hors d’oeuvres, ate almost nothing herself, and coaxed me to seconds and thirds. Our conversation turned quickly to topics of substance as Annemarie was not one to waste valuable time on small talk. I mentioned that I had approached several Kaiser physicians over the years in the hope of being referred to some study tracking long-term, asymptomatic HIV survivors with no detectable viral load and consistently high T-cell counts. In retrospect, I should have consulted Annemarie rather than Kaiser from the very first as her response was instantaneous: “I know just the man!” And so she did. The very next day I received a phone call from the lead investigator for just such a study underway at San Francisco General Hospital. By mid December, I was enrolled and finally able to make my small contribution to the cause to which Annemarie devoted so much of her life “in retirement.” To the very last, Annemarie was energetic and effective in her struggle against HIV and her support of those afflicted with the disease. It was an honor and a blessing to know her. I will miss her greatly.